


If Not For You

by Daimhin



Series: Save The Cat [6]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 02:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20400325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daimhin/pseuds/Daimhin
Summary: On the day you and Ignis elope, Ravus refuses to struggle with his feelings; it’s impossible for him to let go of what he never had.





	If Not For You

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly angsty epilogue of [One Too Many](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15338226/chapters/35588286)

Ravus thought Altissia pleasant enough. He never wanted to spend more time than necessary there. For the most part, it was too showy, too strongly evocative of emotions he was never inclined to express. They were emotions he didn’t think he ever felt in the first place, which made the foreign city seem all the more unfamiliar to him no matter how many times he visited.

He walked through the consulate, looking through the files he held in hand. It was a mercy that the government buildings were spared the romance that permeated the rest of the city. He was due to cross Leviathan plaza to his temporary office in the Tenebraen embassy soon. He didn’t wish to put up with the strumming of the local street musicians or the caricaturist who always tried to stop him for a _ quick sketch. _

“Ah, pardon me.”

The unexpected voice made him look up from the documents. He was, though it was well hidden behind his frown, slightly startled to see Ignis Scientia standing in front of him. The other man wore a polite smile and held a carefully collected and collated stack of documents in one arm. What sort of rush was he in that he didn’t have a binder or briefcase to protect those papers for him?

“Lord Scientia,” Ravus acknowledged him. Because there was absolutely no point in dwelling on the minutiae. He was standing in Ravus’ way, and that was the only fact that held any relevance.

Scientia bowed slightly, the dip of his head not as deep as what he expected from the usual kiss-ass Altissian delegate. It was accompanied by a step forward and followed by a string of words that stopped Ravus in his tracks.

“I’m overjoyed to see you, Lord Ravus,” he said, the words ringing false to him, though he sensed something else underneath. “It’s short notice, but I’ve a request of you that holds rather significant personal importance. Would you be witness to my marriage ceremony this afternoon?”

Ravus could do nothing but stare. Short notice, indeed. And why would he request such a sudden audience for— Ravus’ thoughts came to a halt. She was in Altissia. How could he have forgotten?

He hadn’t.

But how, his conscience asked, could he have been here a week and not so much as messaged her so they could catch up with one another?

The answer was simple. He was here to work, not spend time with a distraction. It would invite ideas, especially in a city such as this. Ideas that, based on this new knowledge of her engagement to Scientia, would’ve been entirely unwelcome.

So strange and sudden, him being invited to this ceremony. She told Ravus most of the larger goings on in her life, though he never asked for even the slightest shred of information. He certainly would’ve thought himself privy to her apparent engagement to Scientia. Weren’t they proper friends? He had so few and considered her one of his best. It was for that reason Ravus nodded. Not out of any eagerness to please the man before him, but to support the only person he’d ever been so unfortunate to fall in love with.

“It would be an honor,” he said, straightening the files in his hands but retaining his gaze on Scientia.

The other man nodded, letting him know where and when to meet them. Then he bowed again, parting ways with Ravus to continue on with his unruly stack of documents. They had to be the papers needed for the ceremony. Ravus returned to his walk, considering the small indicators— the unprotected documents, the contained excitement behind his eyes, the rushed invitation. The engagement must’ve been sudden. Had he only proposed recently? Today, even?

He resisted the urge to withdraw his phone from his pocket. There was no point in calling her now; he’d see her soon. He had more important things to worry about, rites and ordinances to compose, meetings to attend, people to deal with.

He pushed through the cheerful Leviathan plaza with more displeasure than usual, and it must’ve shown. No one bothered him this time.

—

Afforded a temporary office in the embassy, Ravus closed himself away with the intent to finish his work before the ceremony. Gods knew he wouldn’t be able to focus afterward. Concentrating was already proving difficult as it was.

As he drafted points on an edict he was considering, his free hand kept coming to his chest. His fingers curled, then loosened, resting there just over the Oracle crest on his robes. A few long moments of this, of him forcing his hand away, of him crossing his legs and glaring at the papers in front of him, he slammed his pen down.

Just one read through. He’d give himself that. Unbuttoning the uppermost clasp of his coat, he slipped a hand in and withdrew carefully folded and somewhat crumbled pieces of stationery. The Nox Fleuret name rested at its header, an old design that had since been replaced. She’d wasted so much of his paper back then. Wadded up balls and shreds of half-written confessions wetted by tears littering the floor of the private library. She’d wept so much at that time. It had spoken to him that his letter didn’t have a speck of damage in that way. Now he wondered if he’d never made her cry simply because she’d never let him close enough.

Unfolding the papers, he sighed through his nose. There was no reason for dwelling on it now. This was what he held of her —all he would ever hold— and he would be content. He would.

_ Ravus, _

_ As much as I want to resent you for pushing me into therapy, I’m glad you’re just the kind of jerk I needed to make me face my fears. You’re a really mean dude, and I appreciate it. _

_ I’m not doing all of this for anyone but myself, but that doesn’t mean I can do it all on my own. I hate even admitting it, but I do need you. Not just someone who will treat me like a person, but _ _ you__. No one else puts such a harsh light on things the way you do. You’ve opened my eyes to reality, even if it’s not always pretty. _

_ This letter is just to help me understand how I feel, so I hope you aren’t grumpy after reading it. I’ll give it to you on a silent day, just to be safe. There isn’t another person on the entirety of Eos that I could ever comfortably spend entire days of silence with. You’re a comfort, and you’re a friend. _

_ P.S. Your hair looks incredibly soft. Like the softest I’ve ever seen in person. Every time I see you brush it back, I have a _ _ strong _ _ urge to braid it. Again, don’t be grumpy. I’m just speaking my truth. You taught me that. _

He read the words he’d been reading over and over for years, on the rare occasion he allowed himself to abide in that space. That warm, confusing place in his memory. He’d yet to regret letting her cross that boundary. Though, she’d never braided his hair again after leaving Tenebrae, he could still remember the feeling of her fingertips along the crown of his head, at the back of his ears and the nape of his neck.

Even now, he could recall the light touch of her breath at his shoulder as she would ramble on non-silent days. About her friends, about chocobos, about _ Ignis. _

He folded the letter, and put it away. Once the clasp of his robes was secured, he stared blankly at the unfinished documents on his desk. An aching warmth bloomed in his chest, uninvited. He scowled at the papers, lifting his pen only to put it down again.

He’d known reading the letter would distract him further; it always did. He checked the time, then pushed back his office chair to stand abruptly. He needed to take a walk. Even if it meant enduring the Leviathan plaza or the romantic air of Altissia.

—

Ravus leaned on a bridge that arched high over one of the main canals. Burning through his second cigarette since stopping there, he hefted the gift bag that hang from an elbow as he shifted positions to rest his other elbow on the refined stone railing. He exhaled a plume of smoke in a sigh and closed his eyes.

It felt insulting and cheap to purchase a gift for their sudden ceremony, but he’d seen the bright yellow chocobo themed leather jacket in his perusal through the city and couldn’t help himself. It was utterly atrocious; he knew she’d love it. He’d send them a proper gift later.

That is… _ if _ they marry. The ceremony was only in an hour’s time now.

He took a long drag from his smoke, entertaining the thought because he wasn’t going to allow himself to struggle. He was in love, and he wasn’t. He could handle it, had been for so long, it was second nature. He’d extinguish how he felt for good once the ceremony was over.

_ If _ there was a ceremony.

Ravus opened his eyes, rolling them at the thought. He could tell her. He’d never felt the need until now. Romance and attraction didn’t have a place in his life, but now he felt like he’d squandered so much time by not acquiescing to the fact that it still existed within him. He could tell her of the adoration, of the weak moments, of the insomnia-ridden nights and the aimless walks through the manor after she’d left.

He could tell her of all that he contained, but he already knew how events would follow. An uncomfortable, if not ruined, wedding. His normally content heart and mind being torn asunder. The ultimate loss of a dear friend, perhaps.

No. He had to remain supportive to the end. He’d long since passed his chance to unveil himself to her. She’d been nothing but candid in her own feelings, always. Though he couldn’t do the same, it wouldn’t be dishonest for him to say he was happy for her. She deserved this happiness with Scientia.

He pushed off from the railing and snuffed out the cigarette, willing his feelings to die out just as easily.

—

It truly was unplanned, the wedding. Ravus ran into her in the consulate on his way to the place in which Scientia had told him it was to be held. She looked unprepared and wasn’t paying attention, her golden compact in front of her face as she checked over her appearance. Her dress was simple, long and beautiful but revealing scuffed trainers underneath.

Ravus stopped before she could run directly into him. “Care to pay attention?”

She slowed, her gaze shooting up to meet his. With a blink, she lowered the compact in her hand. “Ravus. You’re here?”

Had Scientia not told her he would be in attendance? He arched a brow. “Scientia invited me. I can’t say I’m enthralled at the notion of sitting through a ceremony, but I’ve patience.”

She huffed a small laugh and grinned at him. “I mean in the city. I’ve been here for weeks, and you didn’t even tell me you were visiting.”

When she reached forward to shove at his chest in that friendly, far too familiar way, he grabbed her wrist, deflecting it and letting it go in a smooth motion. As always, she didn’t let it deter her. The compact was slipped into a small bag that hang from her shoulder, and she crossed her arms.

“I really can’t believe you, your highness,” she said, staring up at him. “Your shyness. Your flyness. Your… slyness.”

Ravus frowned at her. “Stop.”

“Why? It’s all true.” She laughed, and it unsteadied his heart but not his resolve.

With no intention to draw out the teasing, he lifted the gift bag. A plain brown, the modest packaging was meant to throw her off from the high quality of the gift. As well as its horrid appearance.

She looked warily between him and the bag as she took it from him and placed it on the marble floor. They were in the middle of the consulate, people passing with lingering looks at the Oracle in training, and all he could seem to care about was how she would react. She bent down to open the gift, and he felt a moment of uncharacteristic nervousness.

Pulling the jacket out past the tissue paper, she gasped. Her hands splayed across the chocobo designs, the bright yellow that no one in their right mind would ever wear. She looked up at him with a renewed grin.

“This is for me?” She lifted it up with her as she stood, holding it out in front of her. Despite the slight disbelief on her face, she was already putting it on and running hands over it at her sides and arms. “Now I totally forgive you for not telling me you were in Altissia.”

Ravus crossed his arms this time, though he was immensely pleased he’d made her happy. “It’s a wedding gift.”

She pulled at the sleeves and smiled up at him again. “Thanks, Ravus.”

The way her smile had softened made him slacken. Before he could say anything, she closed the distance between them. Feet knocking the gift bag aside, she threw arms around his middle and rested her head just above his crossed arms in a hug he didn’t expect.

“Seriously,” she said, quieter than before. “I wouldn’t even be here. Me getting married?” She laughed lightly into his chest. “I wouldn’t have gotten this far if not for you.”

Her hold lasted for several moments longer, but by the time he loosened his arms to return the gesture, she let him go. He resisted the urge to pull her back to him, and something pulled. Something tight and painful at his chest.

“Ow.” Her smile became a wince, and she touched her own chest with a hand. Coming away from her dress with a small string, she rubbed at her chest with her other hand and held it up for Ravus to see. “What the hell? Neither of us are wearing red.”

She flicked it aside and continued to rub at the spot. The pain in Ravus grew, and he watched the string drift away, carried off by the breeze of the aircon that swept through and kept the building bearable. When he returned his attention to her, he found her considering him.

“Y’know, it’s not cool to wear white to someone else’s wedding,” she said, her smile back on her face.

He smoothed down the front of his robes unnecessarily, and the pain finally began to fade into something softer. It pulsed with his heartbeat, a sting that wouldn’t quite leave him. “You should be so lucky to have an Oracle witness for you.”

She rolled her eyes and picked up the gift bag. “C’mon. Prompto’s gonna be pissed he missed this, but I’m really happy you’re here, at least.”

“I’m a replacement for Argentum,” he said flatly. “How flattering.”

She walked ahead and looked at him over her shoulder, sticking out her tongue. Her immaturity hadn’t changed, then. He expected nothing less and wished for nothing more.

Ravus was in love, and he wasn’t. He never could be, never _ should _ be. He’d continue to find happiness in her happiness and remain her support. He touched his chest idly during the ceremony, almost okay with the way he no longer existed now that Scientia was present.

He was her comfort and her friend. Nothing more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
